My idea of business time

Let’s talk about my work. I get to go spend time with bearded and mustachioed men, power tool drag racers, and drunk people operating sailboats. Couldn’t get better, right? Well, this morning I woke up at 4 am to get myself ready for a day of work covering the Nordstrom anniversary sale.

Ever heard of it?

They sell all of their new fall clothes at 40% for two weeks before taking them back up to full price. So, pretty much it’s amazing. What’s more amazing is my boss, who insisted – this is not too strong of a word – that my coworker and I take long lunches to shop. So, I covered the opening, plopped out a video and headed back over.

Ladies, I found beauty.

Priced at $waaytoomuchmoneyforanintern.00, it was perfect. The best part is, I took it back to work and my boss gave me a speech, nay, a rousing sermon, an oration, on the beauty and timelessness of the blazer. She even went into description on how the blazer would look slung over my purse when arriving in the morning.

So needless to say, I love my work. The photographer that was at the sale with me came back a bit shaken, eyes wide and mumbling about crazy ladies. Watch it bud – those are my people.

P. Run Season 5 Ep. 1 Recap

Some opinions:

-Blayne the Girlicious man is striving to be Christian Siriano with a bad dye job and, well, he just can’t Make. It. Work.

-Although Jerrell-the-former-model was not prominently featured, I did appreciate the fact that he scorned Girlicious Man.

-Hey Liz, is everyone in Portland like Leanne the Portland Girl? NerdAlert.com!

-Many adorbs ladies this season. Hopefully their designs will be as adorbs as they are. Emily was just wearing this gorgy, hipper-than-hip outfit [WITH OXFORDS.] when she was at the supermarket, and I have a soft spot for Kenley’s rock-a-billy cool. Stella sucks, but she’s good TV.

-’It looks like a Pterodactyl from a gay Jurassic Park.’ Can I get some tickets to the Gunn Show? PLZ??

-More P. Run Bios here. Many of the designers are influenced by Alexander McQueen, Vivienne Westwood, and Herr Karl so I am looking forward to innovative and punky looks this season.

In other news, while I have yet to acquire a messenger bag, I did hit up the local AA and purchase bike shorts in colors of Yellow and Red. I never thought about how great an accessory this is for jazzing up a long-shirt-that-might-be-a-dress. I also bought a blue fanny pack, and am the proud owner of a red bike helmet now. Primary colors for this little lady cyclist. I also perused Target’s most recent Go Intl. collection and acquired a sack-like black dress and a nice bathing suit as well as a Rogan for Go Intl. shirt on clearance [in general, despite its positive reviews from Barney's and the fashion world, I did not really like this particular line. I DID like the organic cotton though!]

Second Time Around

Dear all my loveies that understand what is true and imprtantant in the world,

after leaving dc two years ago its been a true struggle to find any where good to shop. soon after i had moved here i discovered an adorable little store that helped fill the mustard seed void in my life. unfortunately i became friends with one of the shop girls who turned out to be crazy thus i had to abandon my new favorite stores in search of green pastures. i found this place where i had bought a couple of cute items and thought i should try selling there. so like a good girl i came in and made an appointment. today i had my appointment. and it was a horrific sellocaust.

the girl who took my items had no idea what she was doing. she tried to steal my marc jacobs dress. she almost didn’t take a Spring 2008 Banana Republic dress because she claimed it was “older styling” (um, hello? there’s a tag specifically stating that it was manufactured and bought two fucking months ago you dumb bitch). fyi, totally priced at $18 (of which i will see $9). ALSO, SHE TOOK A TARGET POLYBLEND TOP AT $24 AND A FUCKING GAP SKIRT AT $28. other offenses: claimed that my FCUK silk blouse was “cheap” and “not something we normally take” and they didn’t even take my anthropologie sweater vest, which is btw 100% wool, because it’s apparently “a cheap mall brand” (oh, and the Gap and FUCKING TARGET AREN’T?!?REWKLGFOEPWREWA)

in conclusion, second time around can suck a bag of dicks. annie, don’t ever go here for your own good.

i’ve decided for my own good i should just start mailing boxes to mustard seed. i know we always loved opening them.

Messenger Bags

I’ll admit it. Dating a smelly bike messenger has definitely started creeping into my sense of aesthetics. Not that I never sported greasy hair before, but ever since I started riding my beautiful yellow bike, I’ve been sporting a look that includes black bike shorts [sexy!!] and dirty white keds. I mean, I think I look pretty awesome and apparently, so does Luke. I don’t mind looking too much like a dirty biker; dirty biker girls are hot, and I can always wear shorts under a dress and bike that way. Easy peasy. Nay, my problem lies in the necessity of carrying things [as Elizabeth can attest, I believe in the importance of carrying multiple handbags]. I’ve been using this cheesy green Dickies backpack to cart my things with me:

I mean, I’ll be honest. I kindof love it, but since I have occasionally been trying to dress less like an eight-year-old [v. hard!!] I’d like a more ‘grown-up’ cutesy, saucy messenger bag. I usually think that messenger bags look stupid, but if I got a cute enough one maybe this could be a nice replacement for ye old green Dickies? However, cute messenger bags are hard to find! I’m digging this and this at Urban, but they are literally the only cute bags I’ve seen so far [Edit: The Men's section has more cute-ish things]. Any suggestions? [caveat: I'd like to avoid Timbuk2 and Manhattan Portage bags IF AT ALL POSSIBLE. THNX!]

Let’s just file this under: “things I am no longer allowed to wear in public”

Okay, so today I had a doctor’s appointment. A really really annoying one. My doctor is all the way out in Foggy Bottom, which meant I not only had to take the stupidass metro, I also had to switch lines and travel during morning rush hour. I guess I never realized how much I was spoiled by the glorious H2 to Van Ness, as it is never ever crowded, not to mention a really good way to meet hot ladiez.

Anyway, I’m on the metro this morning and it is packed to the motherfucking gills. There is literally nowhere to sit, not even a side rail for me to hang on to. I try doing the thing where you just plant your feet really hard in the ground and try to balance, but I obvs almost fell into some dude’s lap like twice. So, even though I am v. short and it hurt my little bitty arms to do so, I grabbed one of the railings on the top of the train. No sooner did it occur to me that my backside was feeling rather open and breezy did I feel a tap on my shoulder. The following conversation ensued:

Lady: Um, your butt is totally visible.

Me: What?

Lady: Yeah, like, this whole side of the train can see your entire butt.

Me: Oh.God. You could see like…everything?

Lady: Yes.

Me: Fuck.

So, yes. I showed my entire ass to about 20 strangers give or take 20 or so more. And yes, ladies, I was wearing a thong. Methinks many people on this train saw more than just my ass, but I’m really trying not to think about it.

And what whorish thing was I wearing, you ask?

I will tell you.

I was wearing a black linen dress I got from H&M last summer that really really looks like a trash bag, but for some reason I love anyway. It’s definitely short, but not like obscenely so. However, in light of recent events, I guess I can no longer say that.

But wait, there’s more! On my way back to work after my appointment I was lugging a big duffel bag. As I’m crossing Pennsylvania Ave. some lady is like, “Hey miss, your dress is really riding up on the side.” Holy Mother of Christ. Somehow I managed to show my ass to an entirely different group of unsuspecting strangers. Nice, Jess. Real nice.

So, I guess the moral of this long and rambling story is that I really don’t think I can wear this dress ever ever again, and that’s sad because I kind of love it.

Also, I am a ho.

Probably mostly that.

Team Building Exercise ‘99

So, as I think many of you know, I’m moving in with the missus (and out from Jess – wah!).

The missus and I have been having sleepovers for more than a year now, and he’s prob used to seeing me schlump around in shredded sweats and gigantic kitty T-shirts/sweaters during bed time. However, I am starting to consider that since he has to look directly at me every night/morning, and I am expecting semi- to v.-regular businesstime from him, maybe I shouldn’t dress like an 11-year-old mathlete on her way to to a beanie baby convention every night.

I mean, to be fair, the current sweat pants do have a sexy twist — no crotch! Haaay. But that only came about in the last 6 months or so when the thread in that area finally gave out.

[Also -- let the record show that Jessie not only toler8ed this behavior from me -- she encouraged it. Going so far as to request specifically lol sweaters.]

This presents a quandary: if not dilapidated sweats and XL puffy-paint T-shirts, then what?

I mean, lets start with what I’m NOT wearing. I’m not wearing anything uncomfortable, complicated, trying-to-be-sexy, or over-the-top. Which basically means he’s not having a say, because he’d prob suggest this:

To be fair, she does look like she’s having a great time in it.

I skulked around my local vintage shoppe and everything was too puffy or synthetic-fibery or too long or too something.

I tried to look at AA’s website for other options and I swear to God I thought I had accidentally clicked on porn. I cannot even look directly at that site, so unless I actually go to the store in person like a normal human bean, AA is out.

So, as you all know, if it’s not vintage or AA, I’m usually out of ideas. I would like yours please.

Also — not like any of you don’t know this, but for your pure enjoyment I will post the video I’m referencing in the title and throughout the post.